As he faced the Sun...

...he cast no shadow.

Time only passes once. Each planck's constant of time will only ever present itself once in the entire course of cosmic history. Hundreds of thousands of them just passed as i write this sentence. I'm too lazy to do the math, but think about it. How much time spent memorizing moral nilais that will never come back? How many of us have complained and ranted about the pointlessness of our high-school lives, particularly the academic aspects so mandatorily imposed upon us to no avail?

Every time i look into the mirror,

All these lines on my face getting clearer

The past is gone

It went by like dust to dawn

Isn't that the way

Everybody's got their dues in life to pay?

All our hopes and dreams, creativity so mercilessly mutilated by people we never chose who control the course of the first 12-18 years of our lives. That's about a quarter of our lives, wasted learning things and building foundations and the cores of our being, but not of our own choice. How many of us have been given the opportunity to chase our dreams, live as free as they could, unbounded by the norms of the majority of the world who've decided that we need money to survive? Is this what has become of our world in an attempt to maintain balance and justice?

Half my life

Is in books' written pages

Lived and learned from fools

& from sages

You know it's true

All the things come back to you

What happened to the pursuit of happiness as a life goal as opposed to the animalistic instinct to reproduce through attraction through success? As we trudge forward technologically, our philosophical and spiritual minds rot and decay into the meaningless limbo between life and death. (And by spirituality i do not mean religion) The 20th century has brought forth raping of our sanity, save for the minority who strive to preserve the sacredness of the Human mind, like Michio Kaku, Stephen Hawkings etc. But a prime example of how far back Man has fallen from their balanced exponential technological & spiritual growth in the Renaissance can be seen from the prestigious Time's 100 Most Influential People of the Year, where in 2008, Stephenie Meyer ranked #49 while intellectuals like Michio Kaku did not make the cut. I feel truly ashamed for my fellow humans.

But well, since high school is coming to and end, i lack the time nor drive to enter a full-scale rant. This comic shall suffice :) Please click to enlarge.

Coloured yellow for your convenience, cause i want everyone to read this. ;)

Where do i go from here? Why do i have to always follow these shadows? One day, i'll either thank you for shoving me in the right direction or blame you for ruining my life. I hope you can bear the pressure. The same way, i don't know if i should hate you or thank you for showing me the nature of Man to be selfish, biased and hypocritical.

P.S, Dear reader : I suppose you don't get sarcasm, huh?

Sing with me,

Sing for the year,

Sing for the laughter,

Sing for the tears,

Sing with me,

If it's just for today,

Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on, dream on

Dream until your dreams come true

Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream on, Dream on, Dream on, Dream On, Dream On

'As they took his soul they stole his pride'

Painted in my memories

"If it rains on my parade, i'll just sing in it."

Have you wondered why nursery rhymes are so brutal?

I am tired. Sometimes, i just don't see how people can be so convicted about things they don't understand. Everyone is selfish. Everyone only wants to blame everyone else. I guess i was wrong. I guess you're no different. I think i'm tired of pretending. I'm ready for it. Come on, bring it.

Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop

When the wind blows the cradle will rock

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall

And down will come baby, cradle and all

(That's nice. Sing that to your baby to put her to sleep :) )

Jack & Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down & broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after

(based on the beheading of King Louis XVI and his wife who well, came tumbling after)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

And all of the king's horses and all the king's men

Had omelette for dinner that night again

( i know there are variations. But he dies anyway )

Georgie Porgie, puddings and pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry

And when the boys came out to play

Georgie Porgie ran away

( i always wondered about the innate need to ostracise and sexually harass.)

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep

And doesn't know where to find them

Leave them alone & they'll come home

Bringing their tails behind them

Little Bo Peep fell fast asleep

And dreamt she heard them bleating

But when she awoke, she found it a joke,

For they were all still fleeting

Then sup she took her little crook

Determined for to find them

She found them indeed, but it made her heart bleed

For they left their tails behind them

It happened one day, as Bo Peep did stray

Into a meadow hard dry

There she espied their tails side by side

All hung on a try to dry

She heaved a sigh, and wiped her eye,

And over the hillocks went rambling

And tried what she could

As a sheperdess should

To tack again each to its lambkin.

(When a kid finally understands this poem, she'll never see Toy Story the same way again)

Ring a ring o' rosies

A pocket full of posies

"Atishoo! Atishoo!"

We all fall down!

( Symptoms of the bubonic plague: red rashes and violent sneezing. Death rate 60%)

I wonder, what to people try to achieve by subjecting their children to this? They're likely too young to understand and the parents hardly ever bother explaining them anyway.

'A scar away from falling apart'

Cause all of the stars have faded away...

Willpower. It seems to be the main thing that keeps us from reaching our goals. The will power to push your body further by that one pull-up and reach that number 15. The will power to abstain from junk food. The will power to suck it up and finish that 10km without breaking into a walk. The will power to sit yourself down and think about the consequences of your actions.

I don't mind where you come from

As long as you come to me

But i don't like illusions

I can't see them clearly

It seems we all know what we want and often, we know how to get there. But just how badly? Schnauzy has no such will power. Her will is only to eat our food and get away with it. She occasionally does.

I don't care no i wouldnt dare

To fix the twist in you

You've shown me what eventually

You'll do

A few days ago, i summoned the willpower to manually curb caving in. I disconnected my computer and handed the power cable to my sister. In the following days, i achieved more than i had over the past few weeks. & then Clarence returned me my external with 3 episodes of supernatural inside. Along with grace's 5 seasons of House and hong's 6th and 2 new albums (dude, i can't find breaking benjamin's latest) Then Clarence's all: "You HAVE to watch it! Just watch it today, 2 hours while you're eating!! Take back the cable!"

And then the guys go "Ehh ehhh!! Tonight at 10 ahhh!! Nono, come earlier at 8 or......You disconnected your computer!? Go take back lah! It's the last game before SPM, everyone'll be playing."

*Now i've tried it, & i still don't really get why people colour peoples' names*

I don't mind

I don't care

As long as you're here

As is evident to my typing this, i caved to peer pressure ( Yes, you fags. you're all pressuring peers. ). I reached home at 2 & have currently achieved nothing. But i guess i can only blame myself for caving. Hopefully, just maybe, you won't see me posting anymore for another 33 days. And then after that i'll get revenge you Prom-goers with posts & pics from London & Paris >=P It's sad, really. I think prom is an integral pubescent experience none of us should be forced into missing. Plus, i'll be exhausted come college. But then the last time i was there was when i was like 4 & too young to remember much. I vaguely remember chasing after the Batmobile in Disneyland Paris to shake Batman's hand, and looking down from the Eiffel tower and being terrified. All i remember of London are brick roads and terrible Mac & Cheese. *puts on accent*: Just not my cuppa' tea. Might as well make the best of it this time, i guess.

Hours slide and days go by till you decide to call

& in between it always seems too long & sudden

But i have the skill, yeah i have the will

To breathe you in while i can

However long you stay is all that i am

Oh, & i could swear that i found out the theory of relativity for size, motion and time independently!! There's no point bragging i guess, i've got a full century on Einstein & i only have a half-formed theory and a thought experiment similar to Einstein's train one only mine involves the LRT. Damn that smart bastard and his completed Theory of Relativity & energy-mass formula & his time being a 4th dimension which accounts for time and spacial dilation when approaching the speed of light and the superstring theory and the theory of infinite mass...too much to list. That bastard.

On a more slacker/geek note, Supernatural is teh awesome!!! Antichrist FTW! (Judge not the last statement unless thy eyes hath experienced the awesome-ness that is S05E06)

Wrong or right

Black or white

If i close my eyes

It's all the same

In my life

The compromise

I'll close my eyes

It's all the same

Go ahead say it, you're leaving

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

-Sick Puppies

"They never show you the end of fairy tales for a reason."

Give me something to believe in

It's the middle of the night and i'm famished. It's the worst kind of hunger when you're torn between your bed and the kitchen. Fortunately for me, i'm not in bed and i've got Digestive biscuits in my room. I told myself i would sleep right at 1. Sleeping doesn't work so well for me. Warning: This is a pointless i just want to type post.

The Not-So-Subtle:

She's not the kind of girl you hear about

She'll never want another

She'll never be without

She'll give you all the signs

She'll tell you everything

Then turn around and walk away

Carry me to the shoreline

Bury me in the sand

Walk me across the water

& maybe you'll understand

Once the stone you're crawling under

Is lifted off your shoulders

Once the cloud that's raining

Over your head disappears

The noise that you hear

Is the crashing down of Hollow Years

I wonder how people put those videos.

I would've posted Hammers & Strings and Swim, too, but it looks pathetic as a little link.

For Swim, you can just head over to ky's blog.

That is why Grace & i want to catch them live. I say this without the slightest bit of dramatizing:

My life isn't complete till i've watched Jack's Mannequin perform live

Then again,it'll never be complete cause i won't be able to see them play Konstantine live either.

Yeah, i know these phrases (this song) have come up in the last posts. But i guess that just reflects were i'm at right now. Alternatively for those macho boys who are too insecure to allow themselves to relate to anything other than metal, read the last sentence as Bite Me (you know who you are).

The Rhythm of Vascular Beats:

She says, Andy i know we don't talk as much

But i still hear your ghost in these old punk rock clubs

Come on write me a song

Give me something to trust

Just promise you won't let it be just the keys that you touched

And my friend calls me up with a heart heavy still

She said, Andy the doctors prescribed me a pill

But i know i'm not crazy

I just lost my will

So why am i, why am i

Taking them still?

I need something to believe in

So write it down i don't think that i'll close my eyes

Cause lately i'm not dreaming

So what's the point in sleeping

It's just that at night i've got nowhere to hide

To the sleepless this is my reply

I will write you a lullaby

'I'm just waiting for the juice to kick in'

I always catch the clock it's...

You still don't want to talk

Regarding the last post: Someone told me to chill, & i realize i've probably been horribly misunderstood. The part where i go on about the old hag i wanna see get hit by a truck is only a whimsical ( though i really probably wouldn't mind [ I take that back { Not out of want, though. I'm trying to change. }] ) manifestation of my bittterness at the hag for getting me suspended some time ago. Hope that clears things up a little.

Staring into the intersection she thinks that she can fly

& she might

My internet hasn't been working very well. I think it's because my 2 sisters have got laptops now and are enjoying wi-fi. My ping of 16-20 has jumped up to 60-1999. Averaging around 350. I have to constantly 'repair' my connection just to go to the next page. My download speeds dropped from 150kb/s to my internet spontaneously dying when i click 'Download'. What else can i do to reduce this? My theory is that since we're basically running off the same connection, they're leeching off it like that fat paleo-leech in Land of the Lost. Result is i don't know how many times i'll have to click publish post for this to come out. Damn those wireless-es.

The moon is shining now & shadows are what's left

Of all the noise;

Simple silhouettes and cut-outs

As if we had the choice

I'm feeling bored with life. Apathy, oh apathy go piss off. Speaking of being careful of implications you can look up fmylife.com and read about this dude who told his brother to piss off. And the brother pissed onto his lap. Haha, yeah, i'm a sado who reads fmylife.com cause i'm THAT lifeless. FML.

But seriously, sometimes you don't know what you want anymore. Maybe the fun in life is desire. So it's not always happy fun. Kind of like a marathon. Not so much fun as you're running it but when you're done you're a smiling git. Either that or a wheezing/unconscious git. But really, what does one do when he wants top internet speeds while sharing with 2 sisters? I can't even go out except for school and i haven't gone out in like a month. And i probably won't be going out for another 46 days. I wonder if this is how it feels like to be a kengyee :/ No offence.

What does it take to be superhero?

In my world, make no mistake

These villains always get the girl

& we'd escape then we'd skate away

From all of this

But no one ever does

-Something Corporate

I shall click 'Publish Post' now simply cause it's 11:11. But by the time i succeed who knows what time it'll be. Fingers crossed.

EDIT: Something's horribly wrong with my time thingy. Successfully posted at around 11:21. Given, i gave up refreshing for a while halfway through.

那女孩對我說

What is it about the sky?

I like thinking about the past and how things used to be so simple. Because really, nothing much has changed except for our states of mind. Arguably, we cannot go revert to a previous state of mind except maybe with amnesia or Alzheimer's. Other than that, our minds are akin to the taut laws of time. Self-aware and memory-bound, our minds expand linearly and dualistically disintegrate at the end of our lives. (Don't bring theistic arguments here please, to Hell with Pascal's wager. It's not the safest bet and is actually significantly flawed.) How do i strike that out? Oh well. Sometimes i think that i resemble an aged reminiscent man with all the sentiments i fancy myself to value while i'm just barely through with puberty.

心很空天很大雲很重
我恨孤單 卻趕不走 Give me something to believe in,

捧著她的名子 A breath from the breathing;
她的喜怒哀樂
往前走 多久了?

I think about Man and how he came to be so selfish and cruel. I'm starting to doubt the existence of a strong moral compass within each man upon birth. ( I resent how fallacious beings butt in on nearly every moral point, often making a logical discussion difficult ) Are we shaped to be good? I'm not being hypocritical to my post on precise universal definition as i believe the need for good maybe unnatural in most of us. We seem to be programmed to be in conflict, in order to secure ourselves and our kin the right to inhabit this world, be it politically or religiously. Only sexually do we seldom find conflict in difference for fear of eradication. In both senses of the sentence. I remember watching a movie and feeling heartbroken when i saw a kid bully a smaller kid for no reason. I actually cried myself to sleep that night thinking about movies of injustice and bullying. ( I was really young ) But the point is that for the life of me i could not understand hurting someone for no reason at all? I understand thefts to a degree. Maybe they need to support their family and they're banking on the chance that the person who they stole from wasn't in dire need for that albeit hard-earned cash. But well, somewhere along the way, i lost that flame. I can't go backwards. But maybe i can reach a point where that ideal resurfaces in the modern life. Enlighten me.

一個人心中只有一個寶貝
So write it down, 久了之後 她變成了眼淚
I don't think that i'll close my eyes 淚一滴在左手 凝固成為寂寞
往回看 有什麼?

My posts always seem to float from topic to topic. My mind is erratic and i just can't seem to fall asleep!! Do people think before they curse someone? When they say "Go to Hell", do they realize the implications? What happens if it really happens? People say it nowadays for the slightest reasons. But i guess i'm not totally free from this either. Aside from frequent 'Damn you's, i resent a single person enough to not feel an ounce of pity if i ever see her get rammed by a- Sigh. I'm a sinner. But that woman really is a heartless, self righteous, pompous, arrogant, bitchfaced hag. (Strikeout bitchfaced). I should resolve not to curse anymore.

那女孩對我說
說我保護她的夢
說這個世界
對她這樣的不多 Cause lately i'm not dreaming

她漸漸忘了我 So what's the point in sleeping?
但是她並不曉得
遍體鱗傷的我
一天也沒再愛過

I'm no liar,though. But there's nothing for me to say anymore right now. I should get some sleep. Just maybe it'll come more easily now. Sighs. I want them pills.

那女孩對我說

說我是一個小偷

偷走她的回憶

It's just that at night 塞進我的腦海中

I've got nowhere to hide 我不需要自由

只想背著她的夢

一步步向前走

她給的永遠 不重

Jack's Mannequin- -黄义达

*Note: The English isn't a translation*

*******

Do you realize that when you're looking into the sky,

You're looking at the past, and everything

that's happening beneath that very sky in the present

As well as everything the future encompasses?

At every glance, we're taunted with the sight

Of thousands of stars and galaxies

Civilizations, relics, answers

All right there just beyond our grasp as the sky was to us

Just a century or two ago

If only our eyes could see far enough

So much more, endless possibilities

And trials and tribulations and quantum leaps

To be carried out beneath that very sky

While you lay there enjoying the breeze

And still one day, that sky will be gone

And you're looking at something miraculous

A part of the world that has been here since billions of years ago

But will inevitably disintegrate

We're looking at the past, present and future

We're looking at the end of the universe

We're a part of something so much larger

Lying on the grass,

Just enjoy the breeze.

-Waih 3:47a.m.

Back to regular programming next time. I think i'm a little drunken with night. It happens. I don't think straight and many things come out unfiltered. Or perhaps that's when i think clearly before we each put up silly facades and defences to face the dawning of the deceitful day.

'Just talk to me awhile, joke about the things we used to see.'

Two to One

What can anyone say to sway the fists of those who thirst for vindication? What can anyone do to cease the tracks of tears that follow the aftermath of a strayed thought? All around, our dreams and hopes are crashing down and in their place we build a black faith, stronger and neater than any braided cordage, so intricately bound that it seems faultless. But if you'd only let go and allow the obstacles to meet in the middle, maybe you'd realise that it is but a faith that resolves all uncertainties whilst devoid of substance. Is that the resolution we all seek?

Two to one,

Static to the sound of you & i

Undone for the last time

There this was,

Hiding at the bottom of your swimming pool

Some september

Depth is relative, & i'd never claim such a quality. Why is it everyone's so eager to bestow it upon himself when it should be fairly obvious that the vanity in the proclamation itself is proof of the contrary? It is more than a few fancy words and a well-versed thought. Nor is it the rhyming of several stanzas of refined english. An actor could conjure as much without ever having made the connection between each individual thought. Depth is much more than that, it's an acceptance of life as it is without a cynic's view nor an optimist's naivety. Nor is depth related to wisdom. Of course, that is just my 2 sens. So said Socrates that: "I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance". Anyone care to redefine himself?

Don't you think i wish that i could stay?

Your lips give you away

Maybe we're all jumping the gun here. What do you know? What do you think i know? I'm not as smart as you give me credit for and i often have not the answer to my own thoughts, nor the means of deciphering them. But nonetheless, it is always selfish to string someone out on a line. But how was i to know if anyone awaited? When did it change that you could not bring yourself to wreak what was deserved? So that it only struck harder to know that the pinnacle may be more personal than i'd like.

I can hear it

A jet engine to the centre of the storm

& i'm thinking i'd prefer not to be rescued

But as the shells hit the floor, the echoes show me that i need no witness. I just need a little light, for the bridges on which we spat and sat miles apart, clinging onto the irony that inspired my jealousy. But it wasn't my intention, i had not wanted a separation. As the chrome sinks into my flesh i feel it displace the acidic heat, reminding me that i'm no saint. Definitely nowhere near as nice as some people seem to believe. Everybody hurts some time.

Two to none,

Roads that lead away from this

I'm following myself just this once

I got spun,

It appears you're spun as well

It happens when you pay attention

This could take all year

If i only take two steps back i find a more cheery picture. Or rather less dreary. What is everything we go through in comparison to the halls of time? Or even our life itself. We'll all leave the earth the same way we came in. Who knows what guidance we may have, or whether we even have a we to have? But what separates us, is how we go. But every moment, i change. Where at one point i was satisfied getting by in life, i've now succumbed to greed and the allure of money. It's only human, and i'd be crazy not to, some may say. But i say it's crazy that many of us are sucked into this mold, determined to produce line after line of gingerbread-men that can only look unique when individually packeted and scrutinized. Another slice of mainstream humans.

When it's quiet

Does she hear me

I'm jettisoned

To the centre of the storm

& i'm thinking i'd prefer not to be rescued

Pray, judge me not for what you read here though it can't be helped that most will jest and judge nonetheless. Maybe that's what makes blogging online so impersonal sometimes. It becomes difficult. Who do we blog for anyway? What do we blog for? Do our blogs reflect our thoughts or are they the facades we uphold to herd the school of thoughts in our ingeniously layered deceptions? Maybe, we're exactly what we want to be. & i wonder if my state of mind will die before i hit the commercialized wave of maturity upon gaining personal independence. Perhaps such a detached yet fully at-one view of life is most easily achieved without fear of getting by and even then it is difficult enough. What will become of each of us?

I can feel her

She's dying just to keep me cool

I'm finally numb so please don't get me rescued

How we love to muse the time away. How i see myself surrounded by whitewashed walls of music. But can i let myself be wrong? Will i fall asleep the same person? I refuse to concede, it's a fight each of us faces at some point in time. How can i allow myself to look back in satisfied regret?

& it's unclear

This may be my last song

I can tell she's raising hell to give to me

But she's got me warm

So please don't get me rescued

You don't have to believe me, and i won't say it. But when it comes to you, i don't remember lying as i always meant as much as i could understand. But as the sun set on us, i understood less and less. At the same time, i could not leave the wolves dancing around the coronal glaze, taunting them with whimsical ignorance. But i swear, i did the best i could. Neither am i trying to leave anything behind, but respecting wishes is the least i could do after all this. I hoped and i guess now the irony is only getting stronger, but it's the only thing i have left.

Say you'll miss me one last time

& i'll be strong

I need you, please don't get me rescued

Cause i'm feeling like i might need to be near you

& i feel alright so please don't get me Rescued

-Jack's Mannequin

To the bridges upon which my tears fester, note for note.