Re-loving

Finding new meaning in daily norms. Tell me this isn't beautiful.

If time can break us down...

No sleep, no sleep until i'm done with finding the answer

Won't stop, won't stop before i find a cure for this cancer

Sometimes

I feel i'm going down and so disconnected

Somehow

I know that i am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching

I've been waiting

In the shadows of my time

I've been searching

I've been living

For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

They say that i must learn to kill before i can feel safe

But i, i'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave

Sometimes

I feel i should go and play with the founder

Somehow

I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

Lately

I've been

Walking

Walking in circles

Watching

Waiting for something

Feel me

Touch me

Heal me

Come take me higher

***

You hide it every time you miss

Impatience waits around for me

You dance under the question mark

Without even trying!

I'm just not sure it's gonna work

The killer's walking amongst us

Look around, you'll find their ashes

You cradle over your mistakes

And every heart you'll ever break

You stumble through questions that you can never answer,

the barrel is loaded

SO GO AND PAINT YOUR TARGET

So and again you stand around with beautiful falls

Moon River

Moon River, wider than a mile,

I'm crossing you in style someday,

Oh dream maker, you heart breaker,

Wherever you're going, i'm going your way

Two drifters off to see the world,

There's such a lot of world to see,

We're after the same rainbow's end,

And waiting round the bend,

My huckleberry friend, Moon River,

And me

As you can see, i've just watched Breakfast at Tiffany's. Audrey Hepburn is really pretty! As in beautiful, as is the music. I'm pretty slow i know, but better late than never, eh? I know i haven't too much time left but i want to watch all these movies that people have loved. Surely we can't allow all these great movies to die out simply due to our unwillingness to watch bad film quality or a movie without CGI. So, i'm making a list of Classics :)

A Clockwork Orange

Citizen Kane

It's a Wonderful Life

The Count of Monte Cristo

Charades

Forrest Gump

My Fair Lady

Dances With Wolves

The Best Years of Our Lives

Purple for the ones i'm really looking forward to. I've recently done The Breakfast Club too. If i'm missing out on something, please do tell.

**I suggest you read the next part only if you've watched the movie/ read the book before or have no such intentions.

'Holly, I'm in love with you'

'So what?'

'So what? So plenty! I love you, you belong to me!'

'No. People don't belong to people.'

'Of course they do!'

'I'm not going to let anyone put me in a cage'

'I don't want to put you in a cage i want to love you'

'It's the same thing!'

'No it's not. Holly-'

'I'm not Holly, I'm not Lou LeMay either! I don't know who i am, like my cat here! We're a couple of nameless slobs- we belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us, we don't even belong to each other.'

*

'You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say 'Okay, life's a fact'. People do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness. You call yourself a free spirit, a wild thing and you're terrified someone's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage, you built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because wherever you run, you just end up running into yourself.'

This is me pretending

This is all a dream.

To the snow-covered trees that illuminate the paths. I'll be back come Christmas :)

La La Lie

This is me, awake at 4:30. I'm on my night high...

I like bagpipes. The first time i saw it i was watching a band competition where i think t'was St John's with bagpipes. Random Geek Fact #1: I played the Trumpet in grade school! I played the horn, too. But i won't post the picture up cause trumpets just look better

Yes, that's The Glass Passenger

When i'm older, i want to get a gramophone. I'll collect vinyls. This'll set me back around a thousand MYR, but i'm afraid that in the future it will become even more expensive.

& there, i shall have a grand piano

& o'er the threshold, will be my Husky.

Note: Not my husky nor my hands.

& i shall have my Playstation VII.

Artist's impression. Clearly he is very bored.

I'll have a bed bigger than i'll ever need. Save for *cough* real special occasions.

& a personal library full of books!

Life will be good...

But most importantly...

Guess what? i'm done

Writing you songs

You give up your job at the bank

Proving money's not fun when you're gone

So this is the first verse

It's not very long

But i'm ready to move on

Guess what I'm done

Writing your book

The ending got twisted around

But for all of the hell that it took

The electrical wires

They'll hum in the walls

In the room that I rent now without you

I've got friends who

La La Lie

Will help me pull through

La La Lie

La La La Lie

The spaceman that can't get high

I'm coming back to my girl by July

So guess what i'm done

Drawing your pictures

I'm dulling the day with a drink

In a parking garage by the theatre

We met for a movie

Every scene was a sign

We made out through their meaning

Guess what i'm done

Writing you songs

I'm far too unstable to settle

I doubt that the doctors are wrong

So i'll wait by a palm tree

The song for a long goodbye

I'm coming back to my girl by July

:)

Unencumbered, numbered words

DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to convert anyone & my arguments do not all necessarily reflect my views, but may be the simple arguments against given points. DO NOT READ unless you are willing to see things from a different point of view and keep an open mind. Do not bother replying unless with factual and evidential as well as non-fallacious answers.

What causes hatred?

Many people seem to live under the notion that without faith, we are not human. Or that without faith, we are less than human, a second class of arrogant, narrow-minded, self-sufficient, ignorant, morally inferior and generally more stupid human beings.

But then, what makes us human?

Many people seem to live under the notion that Theists are ostracized, heavily victimized, cruelly misunderstood, the righteous underdogs, the poor victims of the arrogant and oppressing Atheists.

Enlightenment

Quoted from Chuen's blog:

wh, are u implying that enlightenment is achieved by obeying the moral law?

No, i am not. I believe that you achieve enlightenment by arriving a balance between one's physical and spiritual self. According to Buddhism, there is a Noble Eightfold Path. We read this in Sejarah, guys.

It is believed that only through this can we reach a higher state of existence and achieve Nirvana.

The problem is, you won't necessarily achieve Enlightenment through this. Rather i think that the Noble Eightfold Path will come naturally as we approach Enlightenment in our own way. This would answer Jc's question. I believe that we achieve a moral law in the pursuit of Enlightenment, though it exists in each person regardless.

+1 to Xyun's comments there. I knew i liked that girl for a reason :P

Moral with Atheism & Theism

jsh: the moral law i think is beyond empathy. imagine someone quarreling, they dont talk about how they feel about each other but more of they expect a certain Standard out of human beings.

That doesn't really have much to do with moral laws, does it? Do you mean that moral laws and empathy are separate? If so, I disagree. I think that Moral Laws are a result of many Human psychological practices, one of which is Empathy. People DO argue about how they feel about each other, but you really have to define your Moral Law if you want to use it as a point. Till then, all discussions regarding Moral Laws are moot.

jsh: i dont think that we act out of fear of the lord. i think born within us. we have this law within us. and we expect others to have the same. like "first come first serve"

I think it is an illogical expectation that is at the root of Man's evil. The expectation for others to be the same as us. We shun those who are different. Homosexuals, Women, Blacks, Those of Different Beliefs, Those of different Moral standards, Those of different Levels of Intelligence. I cannot possibly respect anything that encourages such discrimination.

I think we all can agree that we are not all born with the same Moral compasses. We do not innately know that stealing is even stealing as the idea of 'Property' is one that only Mankind and proud animals have. What does the differences in our Natural Moral compasses tell you? I don't think that Man is born a moral creature. By experience, we realise that stealing hurts others. Some of us feel empathetic and our moral compass develops further. Some of us get a real kick out it.

jsh: of course the fear of the lord comes in when u see around us the power of nature. usually when i look at nature. i cant imagine that it all came about outta nothing so perfectly.

And yet it had to come out of something. Creationism is where many fallacies sprout in religion. Why should we fear the Lord? Is he a tyrant? Of course not. Would he unjustly punish us? Ah, now here we teeter over the semantics of what is 'just'. Why don't we strive to be like God instead of just revering Him? Wouldn't that ultimately lead to a better world? It seems to me that a loving God would not require respect, love or even acknowledgement to continue loving his children.

It is logically inaccurate to deduce that God exists because something as complex beautiful and mathematically perfect as Nature exists. Then you would have to say that something as complex & perfect as God exists because something else created God. Why is it that God can come into existence by itself and Nature cannot?

Just because you can't imagine something, doesn't mean it's not true. After all, this is a favourite argument in support of Theism. It applies to Atheism as well.

Think about it:

What good things would a Theist do that an Atheist wouldn't?

What bad thing would a Theist do that an Atheist wouldn't?

jsh: as to where i am going? i dont know, lol. but saying god law operates on fear of the afterlife and divine punishment. is not very accurate.

To separate Divine punishment from God is contradictory to the Christian religion. How is it right that many people are selective towards the part of religion that is most convenient?

I like what one of the Priests of somewhere i forgot said:

Reporter: "Surely you cannot believe that there were talking animals and Noah took aboard two of every species of animals on Earth. There are hundreds and thousands of known species, many more back then that weren't extinct that couldn't possibly fit in the Ark whose dimensions we know?"

Priest: "I believe in the Bible wholeheartedly. That's what is written there and i believe in it."

Now, that guy was not arrogant. I disagree with his beliefs, but i respect him as he seems to be a true practitioner of Christianity. He doesn't try to prove his point with fallacies. He just practices his belief without a sense of superiority. Something i can't say about many others i've seen.

jsh: i think god operates on my previous point in which we are so amazed about the wonders of life. and that he has blessed us with so much. rain wind water food

Alright. Here i'm going to bring up points that many will not find pleasing. How are you so sure that God provided us with the 'wonders of life'? I'm not even going to bring up the fallacies here.

Okay, the question is, What makes your Christian God more right than any other God? It blatantly calls others 'False idols', as though somehow it is different from the rest. What about Islam, Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism.......? If you want people to believe in Christianity, I understand. But you cannot call the other religions/ beliefs false and not expect a reaction.

Think about it, Christianity claims to be the truth. So do other religions. Christianity is no better nor more valid & true than Islam, Buddhism, Zoroastrianism, Hinduism or even Animism.

So then, if choosing the wrong one leads to eternal damnation, and all of them are equally attractive and evidential, then choosing the right one is a matter of luck. And with a little bad luck, you are eternally damned, according to Christianity.

No one religion is more righteous than another.

Bertrand Russell is mocked in a video with his own quotes. How i wish i could mock the mocker with his own quotes too, but on the topic:

Atheism encourages the foundation of Unyielding Despair...?

People see atheism as the opposition of theism, due to the name. But as a matter of two different ideas, theism could be said to be the opposition of atheism. So don't go victimizing yourself, Theists.

Now on the matter that atheism is the foundation of unyielding despair is a matter of perception. Atheists generally do not live in depression. Honestly, it is not easy to become an atheist. To become and atheist, one has to accept that his life probably starts and ends solely in the physical world. I generally respect any atheist because he/she has come into an acceptance with that. The conversion into atheism is one that requires a lot of reflection and critical thought, whether or not their philosophy is right.

Certain people blame the high suicide rates on depressed atheists as their lack of faith takes away their meaning in life. Let me just say that 'You don't need faith to find a meaning in life.'

Their inaccurate is assessment is completely unfounded with no statistical backing nor logical backing other than that the said people are incapable of finding their own meaning in life outside of faith. The poor people who say things like that are grasping at straws.

You want statistics? I'll give you statistics.

Lithuania ranks #1 among all countries for suicide rates with 68.1 Males and 12.9 females per 100,000 citizens per year. 79% of Lithuanians belong to the Roman Catholic Church.

Source: World Health Organization. Accurate as of 2008.

Now, you'll probably think that i'm being biased towards atheism right now. The truth is, i am an agnostic theist. Though you can probably tell that i largely disagree with many religious practices. The reason i support atheism is because i've yet to hear one of them say "Your God does not exist." That would be arrogant and fallacious, too. However, all too often do i hear theists say ALL AROUND ME:" Your beliefs are wrong."

Now, the one thing this discussion is lacking is a specific Topic. So well, this post is just a general inquiry regarding the public's views on Atheism & Theism.

Einstein vs Professor

Finally, you all remember that argument between Einstein & his professor? I found many significant flaws in Einstein's argument and was at disbelief that Einstein's logic was so flawed. Guess what? It never occurred. Just some hoodlums abusing Einstein's name with their immature thoughts. If ya'll want me to show my points rebuking theirs, i might post it up some time...

This one's actually from Einstein:

An abridgement of the letter from Albert Einstein to Eric Gutkind from Princeton in January 1954, translated from German by Joan Stambaugh.

... I read a great deal in the last days of your book, and thank you very much for sending it to me. What especially struck me about it was this. With regard to the factual attitude to life and to the human community we have a great deal in common.

... The word God is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this.These subtilised interpretations are highly manifold according to their nature and have almost nothing to do with the original text. For me the Jewish religion like all other religions is an incarnation of the most childish superstitions. And the Jewish people to whom I gladly belong and with whose mentality I have a deep affinity have no different quality for me than all other people. As far as my experience goes, they are also no better than other human groups, although they are protected from the worst cancers by a lack of power. Otherwise I cannot see anything 'chosen' about them.

In general I find it painful that you claim a privileged position and try to defend it by two walls of pride, an external one as a man and an internal one as a Jew. As a man you claim, so to speak, a dispensation from causality otherwise accepted, as a Jew the priviliege of monotheism. But a limited causality is no longer a causality at all, as our wonderful Spinoza recognized with all incision, probably as the first one. And the animistic interpretations of the religions of nature are in principle not annulled by monopolisation. With such walls we can only attain a certain self-deception, but our moral efforts are not furthered by them. On the contrary.

Now that I have quite openly stated our differences in intellectual convictions it is still clear to me that we are quite close to each other in essential things, ie in our evalutations of human behaviour. What separates us are only intellectual 'props' and 'rationalisation' in Freud's language. Therefore I think that we would understand each other quite well if we talked about concrete things. With friendly thanks and best wishes

Yours, A. Einstein

**End of excerpt**

Peace!

As he faced the Sun...

...he cast no shadow.

Time only passes once. Each planck's constant of time will only ever present itself once in the entire course of cosmic history. Hundreds of thousands of them just passed as i write this sentence. I'm too lazy to do the math, but think about it. How much time spent memorizing moral nilais that will never come back? How many of us have complained and ranted about the pointlessness of our high-school lives, particularly the academic aspects so mandatorily imposed upon us to no avail?

Every time i look into the mirror,

All these lines on my face getting clearer

The past is gone

It went by like dust to dawn

Isn't that the way

Everybody's got their dues in life to pay?

All our hopes and dreams, creativity so mercilessly mutilated by people we never chose who control the course of the first 12-18 years of our lives. That's about a quarter of our lives, wasted learning things and building foundations and the cores of our being, but not of our own choice. How many of us have been given the opportunity to chase our dreams, live as free as they could, unbounded by the norms of the majority of the world who've decided that we need money to survive? Is this what has become of our world in an attempt to maintain balance and justice?

Half my life

Is in books' written pages

Lived and learned from fools

& from sages

You know it's true

All the things come back to you

What happened to the pursuit of happiness as a life goal as opposed to the animalistic instinct to reproduce through attraction through success? As we trudge forward technologically, our philosophical and spiritual minds rot and decay into the meaningless limbo between life and death. (And by spirituality i do not mean religion) The 20th century has brought forth raping of our sanity, save for the minority who strive to preserve the sacredness of the Human mind, like Michio Kaku, Stephen Hawkings etc. But a prime example of how far back Man has fallen from their balanced exponential technological & spiritual growth in the Renaissance can be seen from the prestigious Time's 100 Most Influential People of the Year, where in 2008, Stephenie Meyer ranked #49 while intellectuals like Michio Kaku did not make the cut. I feel truly ashamed for my fellow humans.

But well, since high school is coming to and end, i lack the time nor drive to enter a full-scale rant. This comic shall suffice :) Please click to enlarge.

Coloured yellow for your convenience, cause i want everyone to read this. ;)

Where do i go from here? Why do i have to always follow these shadows? One day, i'll either thank you for shoving me in the right direction or blame you for ruining my life. I hope you can bear the pressure. The same way, i don't know if i should hate you or thank you for showing me the nature of Man to be selfish, biased and hypocritical.

P.S, Dear reader : I suppose you don't get sarcasm, huh?

Sing with me,

Sing for the year,

Sing for the laughter,

Sing for the tears,

Sing with me,

If it's just for today,

Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on, dream on

Dream until your dreams come true

Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream on, Dream on, Dream on, Dream On, Dream On

'As they took his soul they stole his pride'

Painted in my memories

"If it rains on my parade, i'll just sing in it."

Have you wondered why nursery rhymes are so brutal?

I am tired. Sometimes, i just don't see how people can be so convicted about things they don't understand. Everyone is selfish. Everyone only wants to blame everyone else. I guess i was wrong. I guess you're no different. I think i'm tired of pretending. I'm ready for it. Come on, bring it.

Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop

When the wind blows the cradle will rock

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall

And down will come baby, cradle and all

(That's nice. Sing that to your baby to put her to sleep :) )

Jack & Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

Jack fell down & broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after

(based on the beheading of King Louis XVI and his wife who well, came tumbling after)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

And all of the king's horses and all the king's men

Had omelette for dinner that night again

( i know there are variations. But he dies anyway )

Georgie Porgie, puddings and pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry

And when the boys came out to play

Georgie Porgie ran away

( i always wondered about the innate need to ostracise and sexually harass.)

Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep

And doesn't know where to find them

Leave them alone & they'll come home

Bringing their tails behind them

Little Bo Peep fell fast asleep

And dreamt she heard them bleating

But when she awoke, she found it a joke,

For they were all still fleeting

Then sup she took her little crook

Determined for to find them

She found them indeed, but it made her heart bleed

For they left their tails behind them

It happened one day, as Bo Peep did stray

Into a meadow hard dry

There she espied their tails side by side

All hung on a try to dry

She heaved a sigh, and wiped her eye,

And over the hillocks went rambling

And tried what she could

As a sheperdess should

To tack again each to its lambkin.

(When a kid finally understands this poem, she'll never see Toy Story the same way again)

Ring a ring o' rosies

A pocket full of posies

"Atishoo! Atishoo!"

We all fall down!

( Symptoms of the bubonic plague: red rashes and violent sneezing. Death rate 60%)

I wonder, what to people try to achieve by subjecting their children to this? They're likely too young to understand and the parents hardly ever bother explaining them anyway.

'A scar away from falling apart'

Cause all of the stars have faded away...

Willpower. It seems to be the main thing that keeps us from reaching our goals. The will power to push your body further by that one pull-up and reach that number 15. The will power to abstain from junk food. The will power to suck it up and finish that 10km without breaking into a walk. The will power to sit yourself down and think about the consequences of your actions.

I don't mind where you come from

As long as you come to me

But i don't like illusions

I can't see them clearly

It seems we all know what we want and often, we know how to get there. But just how badly? Schnauzy has no such will power. Her will is only to eat our food and get away with it. She occasionally does.

I don't care no i wouldnt dare

To fix the twist in you

You've shown me what eventually

You'll do

A few days ago, i summoned the willpower to manually curb caving in. I disconnected my computer and handed the power cable to my sister. In the following days, i achieved more than i had over the past few weeks. & then Clarence returned me my external with 3 episodes of supernatural inside. Along with grace's 5 seasons of House and hong's 6th and 2 new albums (dude, i can't find breaking benjamin's latest) Then Clarence's all: "You HAVE to watch it! Just watch it today, 2 hours while you're eating!! Take back the cable!"

And then the guys go "Ehh ehhh!! Tonight at 10 ahhh!! Nono, come earlier at 8 or......You disconnected your computer!? Go take back lah! It's the last game before SPM, everyone'll be playing."

*Now i've tried it, & i still don't really get why people colour peoples' names*

I don't mind

I don't care

As long as you're here

As is evident to my typing this, i caved to peer pressure ( Yes, you fags. you're all pressuring peers. ). I reached home at 2 & have currently achieved nothing. But i guess i can only blame myself for caving. Hopefully, just maybe, you won't see me posting anymore for another 33 days. And then after that i'll get revenge you Prom-goers with posts & pics from London & Paris >=P It's sad, really. I think prom is an integral pubescent experience none of us should be forced into missing. Plus, i'll be exhausted come college. But then the last time i was there was when i was like 4 & too young to remember much. I vaguely remember chasing after the Batmobile in Disneyland Paris to shake Batman's hand, and looking down from the Eiffel tower and being terrified. All i remember of London are brick roads and terrible Mac & Cheese. *puts on accent*: Just not my cuppa' tea. Might as well make the best of it this time, i guess.

Hours slide and days go by till you decide to call

& in between it always seems too long & sudden

But i have the skill, yeah i have the will

To breathe you in while i can

However long you stay is all that i am

Oh, & i could swear that i found out the theory of relativity for size, motion and time independently!! There's no point bragging i guess, i've got a full century on Einstein & i only have a half-formed theory and a thought experiment similar to Einstein's train one only mine involves the LRT. Damn that smart bastard and his completed Theory of Relativity & energy-mass formula & his time being a 4th dimension which accounts for time and spacial dilation when approaching the speed of light and the superstring theory and the theory of infinite mass...too much to list. That bastard.

On a more slacker/geek note, Supernatural is teh awesome!!! Antichrist FTW! (Judge not the last statement unless thy eyes hath experienced the awesome-ness that is S05E06)

Wrong or right

Black or white

If i close my eyes

It's all the same

In my life

The compromise

I'll close my eyes

It's all the same

Go ahead say it, you're leaving

You'll just come back running

Holding your scarred heart in hand

It's all the same

-Sick Puppies

"They never show you the end of fairy tales for a reason."

Give me something to believe in

It's the middle of the night and i'm famished. It's the worst kind of hunger when you're torn between your bed and the kitchen. Fortunately for me, i'm not in bed and i've got Digestive biscuits in my room. I told myself i would sleep right at 1. Sleeping doesn't work so well for me. Warning: This is a pointless i just want to type post.

The Not-So-Subtle:

She's not the kind of girl you hear about

She'll never want another

She'll never be without

She'll give you all the signs

She'll tell you everything

Then turn around and walk away

Carry me to the shoreline

Bury me in the sand

Walk me across the water

& maybe you'll understand

Once the stone you're crawling under

Is lifted off your shoulders

Once the cloud that's raining

Over your head disappears

The noise that you hear

Is the crashing down of Hollow Years

I wonder how people put those videos.

I would've posted Hammers & Strings and Swim, too, but it looks pathetic as a little link.

For Swim, you can just head over to ky's blog.

That is why Grace & i want to catch them live. I say this without the slightest bit of dramatizing:

My life isn't complete till i've watched Jack's Mannequin perform live

Then again,it'll never be complete cause i won't be able to see them play Konstantine live either.

Yeah, i know these phrases (this song) have come up in the last posts. But i guess that just reflects were i'm at right now. Alternatively for those macho boys who are too insecure to allow themselves to relate to anything other than metal, read the last sentence as Bite Me (you know who you are).

The Rhythm of Vascular Beats:

She says, Andy i know we don't talk as much

But i still hear your ghost in these old punk rock clubs

Come on write me a song

Give me something to trust

Just promise you won't let it be just the keys that you touched

And my friend calls me up with a heart heavy still

She said, Andy the doctors prescribed me a pill

But i know i'm not crazy

I just lost my will

So why am i, why am i

Taking them still?

I need something to believe in

So write it down i don't think that i'll close my eyes

Cause lately i'm not dreaming

So what's the point in sleeping

It's just that at night i've got nowhere to hide

To the sleepless this is my reply

I will write you a lullaby

'I'm just waiting for the juice to kick in'